She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
