Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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