i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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