And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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