I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
