The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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