No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
