i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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