Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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