Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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