My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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