yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
