i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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