can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
