I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
