I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
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