Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
