Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
