Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
