Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
