so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You made out with two different species that night
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
