make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
