I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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