dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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