Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
