i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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