I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
