Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
