New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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