But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I smell stomach acid.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
