Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
