My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
