Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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