i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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