:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
