Porn is love you can see.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
