i just had sex bonerless
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
