Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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