I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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