Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
