It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
