There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
