im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
