i just wanna soil my oats bro
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
