Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
