So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found puke in my bra..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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