I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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