Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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