Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
