3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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