Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
