Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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