And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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