does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
